Sunday, May 30, 2010

What is your Value? Part 2

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I have a Friend.

A number of years ago I was in a lot of trouble, a very dark place. I messed around with the wrong crowd, doing the things that give parents nightmares about their children ever doing. I tried to satisfy every craving that I had, searching for the plug that would fill this hungry hole in my heart. I used people to cover my own insecurities, lied, cheated and competed. I hid in the spotlight looking like the life of the party trying too hard to disguise the lonely wasteland of my dry soul. I hated myself for not being perfect, carrying bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart for those who hurt me when I was a child. My physical body manifested what my soul and spirit looked like on the inside.

Weak and Wild. No peace.

Then I got the news of a Friend, He left me a letter.

He said that he felt so compelled by my self-inflicted suffering that He had to save me from my personal hell. He said He loved me even before I was born, even before the creation of the world. He came to this foreign place to walk in my shoes, live a life of rejection under constant suspicion.

My heart stopped when I read the final sentence... I had to save your life, I could not bear a moment longer for you to live and die in suffering. The only way I could do that was by sacrificing my life for yours. I died for you so that you can have life in abundance.

I read it over and over and over again…

He died for me?

He died for me?

But WHY? I'm not worth your precious life, I don’t even know you!!!! I don’t deserve this, I’m not worthy….I'm just not worthy...

How could you love me so much that you gave your life?

How could you think I'm so special that you died for me?

How could you think I'm so precious, precious enough for you to lose your life?

How could my life have so much value that you paid the highest price?

My denial changed into a severe sadness that threatened to crush my bruised heart, I could just not fathom how an innocent person could choose to die for a wicked and ruined life like mine.

Was I really ever worthy of such a love? How could I be? Am I really that special, that precious and that valuable? So much doubt, how could it be? You loved me so much that the only thing left to do was to sacrifice a life for a life? There is no way, this has to be a faint part of my crazy imagination.

Then came a whisper.

Revelation dawned.

Yes you are worthy of my love and you are that special, precious and valuable. You are the crown of creation and now also my sister, a queen and a priest! You are worthy.

Acceptance…

Light…

Faith…

A dry and cracked heart thirstily soaking up the abundance of love pouring in from a never ending river.

So this amazing Friend of mine's name is Jesus and I can't tell you enough of how He sorted out my life, man.

He took me on quite a journey (such an understatement) and it took a looooong time for me to realize how valuable I am. I realized that there is nothing I can do to earn a higher rating of value. I don't have to compensate with second hand habits and self help thoughts to show myself and the world that I might be a someone only to turn around in secret and break myself down with negative and hateful thoughts. I don't have to prove myself anymore or live under the manipulation of addictions of any kind. The only thing I want to do is to belief in my Savior’s perfect love for me.

I am worth far more! I KNOW that. I believe that I'm valuable, because He said so and still do every day.

This all because God loved the world so much that He sent His only son and He says that who ever believes in Him shall have eternal life. John 3:16

Now to come back to the original question.... What is your value, my friend?

PS When I mention the 'wrong crowd', I refer to people who didn't know me or cared about me, people who used me as I used them. Know that my heart is beating with the Father's love for each and every one I've shared a few moments with in the the years that I've been given in our world and home. If you were part of my life during those dark times, please don't feel condemned, I'm not writing this to highlight the past or to hurt you. I'm putting the spotlight on how our God changed this woman's heart and life and how there is hope for a life of freedom and glory with Him! .... please try to see my heart in this...

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